Come on out and greet the Mets! That is, if you don't mind my senseless racial groupings of players! Oh, it's going to be a heck of a show. And while we do not know the full ins and outs of the Mets' 25-man roster yet, we do know who is in any way likely.
The Hicks: 9 PlayersI know the new Omar-Mets are supposedly the all-Latino team, but in actuality there is a large group of twang-talkin' backcountry fishin', huntin' and campin' hillbillies on this the most urban of teams, the Metropolitans of Flushing Meadows, Queens. They are led by the grandest hick of all, Billy Wagner of Tannersville, Virginia. I get the sense hearing him talk about his new splitter-changeup that while he's having fun at that sort of tinkering, he could just as well be asjusting his four-wheeler to a particularly knotty and nasty stretch of backwoods trail.
This may be less true for Aaron Heilman of Logansport, Indiana, whose rough country ways have a more Midwestern flavor. But Heilman, like Wagner, displays a demonstrable lack of tact in discussing various team-related issues, such as his wish to be a starter instead of a killer bullpen setup man. We should not mistake such behavior for the characteristic swaggering pride of a Gary Sheffield or a Manny Ramirez.
Coming from Long Branch, New Jersey, Scott Schoenewis does not seem like he would be a hick-- until you hear about what he's doing with his free time. Fishing, hunting, smoking pipe tobacco. I don't know if that last one is true, but it's fine with me as it is. Welcome to the team , Mark Twain. To round out this tractor-wagon of bullpen yokels, we have the hopeful bullpen candidate Jon Adkins of Huntington, West Virginia. West. Virginia. John Maine, who has quickly launched himself from Anna Benson trade tack-on to lock for the #3 spot in the Mets' rotation, hails from Fredericksburg, Virginia.
Now, David Wright comes from the fairly metropolitan locale of Norfolk, Virginia, and is extremely well-spoken and tactful with the media, but he isn't exactly enjoying martinis at 25,000 feet with Charles Barkley and Paris Hilton. He prefers hangin' out with his buddies. I think he makes the hick-squad.
Now for some stretches- Tom Glavine, born in Concord, Massachusetts, played most of his career with the all-hick Atlanta Braves, and seemed to fit right in. He is the quintessential Southern Gentleman, I guess. Count Dave Williams, who is still on this team, remember- he'll be back- comes from Anchorage, Alaska. And if you don't think Alaskans are hicks, well, I assure you- they are. I don't know much about Mike Pelfrey or Wright Patterson Air Force Base, where he was born. But his
Wikipedia entry says he grew up in Wichita, Kansas. And finally, there is Ben Johnson, Mets' fifth outfielder bench-warming hopeful, who hails from Memphis, Tennessee.
The Metropolitans: 5 PlayersFirst and foremost, there is Paul Lo Duca, who comes from Brooklyn and talks like he is from Brooklyn. Then, there is Mets' infield backup Damion Easley, also from New York. Shawn Green comes from Des Plaines, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago. Blastings Thrilledge is from Bradenton, Florida, which may not be New York, but isn't Mississippi, either. The Mets' new scrapheap collection, in the long line of Joe McEwings and Eli Marreros, is David Newhan of Fullerton, California.
The Dominicans: 9 PlayersIn no particular order, they are: Ambiorix Burgos, Pedro Martínez, Guillermo Mota, Duaner Sánchez, Jorge Sosa, Anderson Hernández, José Reyes, Julio Franco and Moisés Alou.
Interestingly enough, it is possible that only two of these players, Reyes and Alou, will be on the opening day roster. Mota is suspended for the first 50 games of the season, Sánchez showed up to camp out of shape and needs more time to get ready, Martínez is out until July/August while repairing from surgery, Anderson Hernández can't hit and has failed to assume his promised spot as second baseman of the future, and Burgos and Sosa remain questions for the bullpen- Sosa has not impressed and may yield the 'long man' spot to Park, while Burgos has been ridiculously wild and Benitez-like, and may start the season in AAA. Julio Franco will probably make the team, though it has been suggested that the Mets may "suggest" he accept a coaching position with the team to make way for a more productive player. So much for the Dominicans.
The Puerto Ricans:
6 PlayersThese guys are faring much better than the Dominicans: Pedro Feliciano, Juan Padilla, Ramón Castro, Carlos Delgado, Carlos Beltrán and José Valentín, all but Padilla being locks for the starting roster. Valentín and Beltrán were both born in Manati.
The Miscellaneous Hispanics:
Orlando Hernández, of course, is from Cuba. Oliver Pérez is from Mexico and Endy Chávez comes from Venezuela.
Token Asian Guy:

Chan Ho Park, from South Korea. He hopes to take his place next to the great Asian Mets' pitchers of the past, such as Dae-Sung Koo and Jae Weong Seo (both Koreans), and Kazuhisa Ishii, Satoru Komiyama, Masato Yoshii and Hideo Nomo, of Japan. He also replaces Kazuo Matsui as the potential Eastern scapegoat for Mets' failure.